A theater and film actress
Interview: Anastasia Gorbunova
Photo: Vova Klever
What’s it like to be you?
I like being me! How does it feel to be me? This is a great question … Probably being me is interesting. At times it is very difficult, confusing, especially where it’s unnecessary. It’s my reaction to myself. What’s it like for me to be with myself?
Let me put it this way. Only I know what it’s like to be me. It’s fun and fascinating, like a big adventure. Sometimes I’ve had periods when I thought: “Damn, I’m 30, and I’m already tired.” I’m tired, but it’s as if I’m thinking: “What is yet ahead, why do I need it? Lord, how great life is!”. But it’s so full of events that you seem to be tired, and then you think: “How much more lays ahead!” Now it’s the other way around. Here I am, turning 33 on April 10th and I’m just like: “Oops, already 33!”. You know, as if: “Where have these three years gone” before which I proclaimed: “My God, 30, only 30! ”. And who knows how many years I still have.
That is why I am really interested in myself now. I watch myself, the world. It’s such a cool process! So I’m trying to live in today and get high from every experience. I don’t always succeed. To a greater extent, I don’t succeed. But it’s what I strive for.
You know, I’m probably striving to live well, to enjoy everything that happens to me. And the main thing is that it should be my initiative and not the initiative of other people from the outside in regards to me. I myself want to generate, do what I like, go where I want, communicate with those with whom I also want. Therefore, it’s all probably for love. Being myself is about trying to live in the name of love.
In terms of external attention, what is the flip side of fame?
Of course, it’s an invasion of your space when you don’t want it. Or, on the contrary, you realize that you’re going somewhere, to, let’s say, some festival that you like, and you just want to get lost in the crowd, but you can only do it abroad. But when you are somewhere and people recognize you, this, of course, is a little annoying. When I was at my popularity peak because of Instagram it was so unbearable to be in places that for a minute I thought that I was becoming a sociopath. I couldn’t get on the subway. And I like the subway, I used to love public transport and have always used public transport. Now I have a private car, or I get a cab. I kind of understand that I’m tired of periodically encountering attention that I don’t need. This is something that people think about artists. Although no, even if a person is not your fan and he never watched your films, he still has the urge to come up to you and say: “My sister …”, or “My mother …”, or “My girlfriend is crazy about you, come on!” Sometimes they can just be in your face. I remember standing at the hotel reception and a man passed by with his family and was like: “Would you like to take a picture with this girl?” I said: “Didn’t you forget to ask me if I want to?”. Inconsiderate.
But now, I’m at a point in life that I’m trying to mirror everything. Trying to understand. So okay, a situation occurred. Should I behave in the same inconsiderate manner? Or do I get into someone else’s space? When you start to understand it, people don’t approach you. They can smile at you from the side, but they no longer touch you or invade your space. Still, despite the fact that you are a public person, a lot comes from you: from what you are, what you broadcast to the world, and, in particular, how much people can approach you.
I’ve recently started talking about the fact that I don’t really like being photographed. In fact, we ourselves, when we take pictures, I don’t know whether you noticed or not, we stop breathing. More often than not, we are not breathing at the moment we are being photographed. If you are taking a picture with someone, and the person next to you is jittery, you will get some of his energy. If people are very calm and intelligently approach me, then I never refuse them. But when a certain excitement begins, and I hear stories about how they love me, what they remember about me when they first saw me … And then they start telling me what they did throughout the day.
At such moments, when people ask for a photograph I say: “No”. Sometimes it is easier for people to say: “I can’t.” And people generally don’t understand why it’s impossible, but they respect it. “No, I don’t want to” is not a valid reason. “What do you mean you don’t want to? Are you vain? Oh, you artists!” And where in which agreement did I sign that I am obliged to take photographs at all times? It’s a job just like any other job. We’re just more visible. Well, yes, we chose this career, and this is the other side of the coin. But the invasion of your space cannot be explained to everyone. Yet when you start broadcasting it a little bit, it starts to work. People approach me less but when they do, they already say: “We know that you don’t like taking pictures, but maybe you could make an exception?”. “OK, sure!”.
To what extent has recognition influenced you, and does it flatter you?
Well, naturally it influenced me, just like everything else that happens to us. It began to form me, in fact, as a person. I started an analysis. You know, for some it takes having a child who will endlessly ask questions: “What’s this? Who’s that? What are you? “, By and large,” What kind of person are you, do you take responsibility for your words, do you follow your obligations, actions, and so on? ” But as it turned out I did not give birth to a child, but I gave birth to some other person inside me – a person who is now a part of me, a person who can say no, who loves herself, who wants to live her life, who doesn’t like the collective mind.
I started answering many questions because there was so much noise around me and so much energy that was pulling me apart.
At one point, I realized that either I would now completely lose myself and fall even deeper in serving the lives of others and someone else’s reality, rather than creating my own life and serving my life.
So, at some point, I thought that I was depressed, or a sociopath, or something else. I didn’t want anything. Reality compelled me: “Come on, say no, learn to refuse, feel this right within yourself, own the right to a scenario of your own life, to saying no, to your desire to say: I don’t want to ” and that’s it. Don’t explain why you don’t want to. And that was me growing up, so to speak. I think that it influenced me only in a positive way.
Plus, yet again, people came into my life and helped me figure it out. People who taught me how to escape such situations taught me to value my own life, first of all, and to have a right to it. And then you calmly say no, with love towards people. Not like, “No!” and in this refusal, you can feel a slap in the face: “But I refused!”. This is also a more adolescent facet: “I say no to everyone because this is my life, I want it this way and that’s it, fuck you.” Your “No” or any other form of refusal should still be said with love, and not with a desire to hurt someone. Because these are boomerangs. Therefore, this environment, this world that burst into my life in an instant, it began to shape me as a person.
What is your perception of love?
Love … You know, first of all, it’s a feeling. The feeling of a dash, a state that is, as it were. Happiness. Roughly speaking, it is always within us, it’s like basic things. Throughout our lives, we strive for love, beauty, harmony, happiness. Unless you are an idiot, a maniac, or just a sick person, who strives for destruction, murder, or something else. In general, of course, every person is seeking joy, happiness, pleasure, love. And we have such a habit of thinking that this feeling is external. That’s how we search for it. We are not told that this phenomenon is inside us. “What do you mean it’s inside me? I need a source! ”. We look for someone, we look for an object of love. And with our upbringing we search for romance, it’s always in our head to “meet or find the love of your life”.
And at some point, the older you get the more trials you face in your life. I came to the conclusion that as it turns out both happiness and love are feelings that are in us. Yet they are sometimes hidden so deeply, and they crawl out of us only in those moments when we find an equivalent in the external world to something that happens to us. I won the lottery – happiness! I was given flowers – happiness and love! I looked at a kitten – oh what a kitten, love! Etc. And what about you in relation to yourself?
I remember that one of the commandments “Love your neighbor as yourself” bewildered me at some point. “Okay, wait, wait. As yourself? Love your neighbor as yourself. That is, after all, self-love comes first. Love yourself, and then treat people the same way as you treat yourself, with the same love.” And in fact, that’s how we communicate it.
In general, if you look at our actions towards people, they are almost the same as our own attitude towards ourselves.
Consumerist, disrespectful, and with contempt. You must feel this love within the self, instead of looking for it elsewhere, instead of looking for some meaning in life while having gone somewhere, for example, to Tibet, or somewhere else. I used to think the same way – that I need a magic pill that will solve everything instantly. But no. Love is a feeling that needs to be cared for, like a fire. And the love between people, relationships, must be maintained in the same way. One must invest, pay attention. That is, in relation to myself, my love really appears in the fact that I can say no to a person. And it really is self-love. I saved myself from harm at that moment. I saved myself and did not let someone use me. And the next time I’ll do it more, and eventually, these people will completely disappear from my environment. What is it if not love for yourself?
And it doesn’t mean: “Oh, I’ll go to a beauty salon, that’s me loving myself.” Yes, it’s love, but it’s more like taking care of yourself. Like buying something nice. That’s also external. It’s still like trying to stitch things up. No internal wounds can be healed by other people and things. You have to deal with it. It is given to you. I say that love must be dug up in oneself. Even when looking in the mirror sometimes – wait a little longer. Don’t just do the usual morning routine of brushing your teeth, showering, putting on your cream. Just take a longer look, see how divine you are, see the beauty in yourself, be happy for yourself, look into your eyes: “Lord, I am so beautiful, this nose, these eyes!”. Is that narcissism? Yes! It’s partly narcissism. Self-admiration can develop into narcissism, and this is a negative trait. But narcissism itself is not a negative trait.
We have a “microchip” that someone once placed in us, and therefore we cannot figure out what love towards ourselves is, what kind of feeling it is. And it seems to us that we experience love only when we fall in love with the object of our adoration, and we are overwhelmed with this love. Here it is! But it only seems that way. And what about the love of parents for their children, unconditional love? A child’s love for a parent? Likewise, it’s unconditional love. It’s in us, we know it. We know it very well since childhood, we understand it, we have just forgotten what it is. Then we started hearing explanations: “Love is this, love is that…”. But what you actually feel is excitement. It’s exciting, it’s emotional. This type of excitement is simple, even elementary if you think about it long enough. I get excited when I see this person, I really like him. But this is a mere state …
Because love is actually a more down-to-earth feeling. It’s calmer, it’s quiet. It is not exalted.
Because everyone thinks that love is passion, and if I don’t feel it, then that’s it, love has passed. And people really think so. Many families fall apart because of that. But the thing is, people sometimes don’t know how to build relationships and how to invest in them. And they think that once they said “I love you” then why to say it the third or the fifth time. I myself cannot say that I know exactly what love is, but this is something about what I described. This is some kind of innate feeling that we can simply pull out if we put in the work. You can look at a bottle of water and evoke feelings of love and gratitude inside yourself. Or through gratitude, love towards the bottle. What is a bottle? It’s not just a bottle. Behind everything, there is a person, work, a vocation, thoughts. I even thought of creating a project that would investigate the story of an object. How many people are behind these objects, how much work: from designers to those people who dig the earth and get those fossils. But the object is just there in front of you and you don’t think of those things. The value of everything around you has come to you, if you feel it, then gratitude will fill you up, and love will come after. The value itself pops up when we meet someone. Small steps will lead you to this feeling.
How do you choose your parts? And how do you give up roles?
So this is how it goes for me. Let’s say an offer comes in from my casting agent: this director, this company. Or even just a company without a director. So then if I don’t know the company I research it – who these people are, what they did. Then I research the director and the screenwriter. If I am strongly impressed by any one of them I start to understand what role this person has in the process. Even if it’s just a hired job. Overall, I need to understand if there’s at least a 50% chance that it’s going to be good because of the producers or directors. You then read the script, and, of course, you have to decide if you feel good about the role and script. Or when you start reading the script, even if you don’t really know the production company, “ well, it seems like they have some pretty good films ”. You can’t put a stigma on people like that either. But as of recently, it doesn’t go further than reading the scripts.
What qualities do you dislike in people, both in life and in work?
I’m trying to stop all that. It’s a divide because what you don’t accept in people means you simply don’t accept these exact things in yourself and you don’t like them. It’s very difficult to see yourself in these people. It’s practically impossible. Because you are so perfect and so good-looking that you can’t even imagine that these annoying and disorderly people have anything in common with you. But after digging deeper, you will see yourself, and if you see yourself, then you will be able to let go. Anything in life that annoys me -I still try to approach it face to face, even if I have already reflected on it.
Working on errors is already becoming a practice of sorts. At first, it was incredibly difficult and unpleasant for me, but now it gradually became this: “So let’s see what’s going on with me.” Therefore, this entire thing is a reflection of me and my world. The world which I agree with or attract. Because sometimes you find yourself in circumstances like: “Well, how could I?”. And at some point you simply answer: “Yes, I could.” Because I allowed it, I pretended, and then I thought that I would sort you out. It’s like with people – it’s impossible to fix anyone. If you have these intentions, you will get twice as many punches.
Regarding the world and the people around you. What does human beauty mean to you?
Human beauty is probably in one’s actions and deeds. You can find beauty in everything that surrounds us. Obviously, I’m not talking about marginal extremes, such as murder, disadvantaged poor people, or anything else. It’s not about that.
But beauty in the outside world, for me, resides in the actions of people.
And I am so glad … You know, at some point someone said to me: “Ira, you have your people, those are your guardian angels.” And I really feel it. Sometimes I am so amazed to the depths of my soul by those people who I meet in life, and at the moments they appear, and with what love they treat me, and the things they do for me. I get so lost sometimes, I cry, and thank the Lord. Probably, yes, I see beauty in the way people behave.
It’s not like I purposely try and find it in others. I have friends who say: “I don’t notice the ugly side of things at all, I try to see beauty in everything”. And this too is also a training of sorts. A person reflects a certain wavelength like a radio receiver, a frequency…
Because there are so many worlds around us, which we, probably, will never be a part of.
A world of politicians, scientists, doctors, teachers, bodies, policemen, and so on. There is a creative world – musicians, writers, artists. And so on, and so on, and so on. And with some worlds, we will not even come into contact throughout our entire lives. If we don’t want to, of course.
And why? Because our frequencies are a certain wave. You can’t change them drastically if it’s not your field of interest. So I try sometimes, one might say, to preach, to tell people that everything depends on us. Because your fate is not something that depends solely on you, but you can still choose it. And you really do sometimes, by switching your receiver: “So, this is my life, this is happening, and I don’t like it.” First, establish the cause-and-effect relationship that forms your life and repeats the same outcome. Then gradually, bit by bit, with practice, dogma, meditation, sports, any sport, swimming, whatever. Gradually pull yourself out of it.
You know how parents sometimes say: “It’s a bad peer group, a bad neighborhood.” And they either stay and face all the risks, or they move. “Not! We want a better future for our child! ”- it’s a switch. Because indeed, society affects a person, but so does a person affect society. The life you live and the interests you pursue – it all forms you. Then, of course, it all transforms into action. And when I look at people who surround me, it becomes so clear to me … I hope that I’m like the people that I meet. To come to these conclusions, you need to have a special understanding of yourself and a sense of the self.
How well do you know yourself?
We may not fully know ourselves until the end of our lives,
because … You know, it’s like saying about your parents: “I know them.” Or as a parent says about a child: “I know him.” And then bang! The child did something completely unexpected. Or the parent. And you’re like, “He would have never done it, I know him, he’s not capable of doing that at all. He would never do that! ” It’s what I said about love with “I love”, and “this is for life.” Love can go away, it’s just this feeling, you don’t pay attention to it. I get to know people all the time. And you know, sometimes I am surprised at myself, at my reactions, at my behavior, I sort it out.
But all of it happens throughout life. As for me, I continue to live, and then I acquire something else, I come across people. That is, I always upgrade, upgrade, upgrade. I try to recognize myself, understand things, and love. And what leads to this? Sometimes the intention of going deeper into it is enough. Of course, someone can say: “You are artists, you are used to delving into yourselves, delving into the behavior of your characters.” This is also true. From the age of 14, I was fond of psychology. I’ve been really interested in this field since high school. I read books on the matter all the time. I wondered why people behave a certain way.
My mom says to me: “Listen, you could be a therapist.” I say, “Well, maybe yes.” The most important thing is to learn to be a therapist for yourself. Because what does a therapist actually do? He asks questions. A good psychologist. As people sometimes say: “I went to therapy and my therapist didn’t say anything! I told him everything, and he asked me a few questions, but he didn’t tell me how to live, what to do, and how to get out of the given situation.” We just devalue it. You tell someone: “Listen, in fact, you live like this, you have this, this, this, pay attention to this, but here you acted like this, and then this … Pay attention to what your father did, what your mother did, what their parents did… ”. And you will outline every single detail and he will say: “ Ok, I understand!”. But in fact, everything that you didn’t come to yourself… It’s like with every child … Children, as they sometimes say, do not need to be taught. A kid will learn everything himself, he just needs to be slightly refined, he needs a little bit of help. To learn how to stand, he has to fall. The same goes for knowing yourself, understanding yourself. It’s human impulse and causation. This is where it all starts. And, of course, literature helps.
I will talk with people about psychologists and how important it is for the development of each person in general. Because of our mentality, we are not used to it. If you go to therapy, then you are considered sick in society, as if your head is out of order. And what do we do when we come to our family for advice? Or our friends? We sit in the kitchen and discuss some things, painful, heart-related problems. But psychologists, are more impartial, they are professional. They know where to lead, what questions to ask.
They already know the patterns of human behavior. And the friend in your kitchen? You can tell her, but she has her own biased opinion. She either wishes you well so much that she will simply say: “You have to leave him!” Or, on the contrary, through her own fear, she will say: “You have to stay!”. It’s a bunch of everything. Who are we reaching out to? To the same people who are themselves confused in many ways. Overall, if there were serious matters in a village, people turned to elders for advice. Sometimes families united: “We shall go to these elders, and we begin to discuss the problem and come to a decision together.” These were people who were wise because of their experience, they have been through a lot and have made a variety of conclusions. But then again, what conclusions? What have they seen? And what have you?
In our world, you need to find your own therapist. Like a healthy cell that drags the sick to the healthy ones and heals it, tries to restore it. And sometimes it really takes years. A process that is going on and on. It’s like a lotus flower blooming and you are like: “Oh, interesting! I thought I loved myself, but in fact, I don’t love myself at all. I thought I appreciated myself but I don’t appreciate myself. I thought I respected myself but I don’t respect myself, I thought I knew – I don’t know. ” So cool!
Is there any magic left in the acting profession or does it fade over time?
Magic – it’s for the audience. When I sit on stage and the lights go out, no matter where I am, no matter which theater, no matter what production, and before the curtain opens, I go: “Oooh, something will happen now! I will pretend that we all believe in a miracle, that these are real characters on the stage. ” For me, it’s like a childish thing, it always excites me straight away. A game called “We are there, and you are here,” and we pretend that we don’t see each other.
When you are on the other side, it’s work. And God forbid to get a thrill from this work. There is no magic, there is no such thing: “Wow, a miracle happened!”. But the main thing about the whole thing is to experience pleasure. And basically, it’s the same in movies – you act. The job is the same on your side of the spectrum. You try to enjoy it and if you do, that means that something good came out of it. But when I see other actors on playback in this “box” – it’s already a movie. It’s magic, it’s peaceful. This borderline moment is the most fascinating. Magic exists greater for the audience and the directors. They experience all the magic. An actor is a performer. Like in a church. Those who perform religious ceremonies may be inspired because a rite is a performance that follows certain canons. Everyone has their own part. And for the audience and the parishioners, it’s like a miracle: “What is happening, I felt something! It’s so sacred”. And we are the ones who create the magic.
But the most important thing, as it appears to me, is what makes the awe away from the profession – cynicism. When cynicism appears because of various circumstances, sometimes there’s a really deplorable experience in which you don’t want to figure things out for yourself, you don’t want to take responsibility, so you blame everyone else. Artists also sometimes have a tendency to become victims of circumstances, when you can’t change anything, so that’s how you live. And they go to places where they can miss something very valuable, sometimes even a valuable role. I’ve seen how actors ruined the entire narrative of the film with their acting, simply because they did not believe in it because of their cynicism. And you think to yourself: “Damn, you’re acting bad, what are you doing? Didn’t the director notice it?” He says: “Yes, I’ve seen it, but I let it pass.” And in the end, because of cynicism, everything can fall apart.
That is why these are the feelings that I believe, artists should always pay attention to, like rust on a ship. Because it will definitely grow if it is not taken care of in time. So I sometimes see these cynics and I constantly hear them say: “Oh, this is garbage, everything is garbage.” A rant of continuing dissatisfaction with everything. Then what are you doing in this field? Go work in a supermarket.
I want to ask you about friendship. What do you think about the still existing stereotype (at least in the Slavic part of the world) that female friendship does not exist?
I have girlfriends. Again, everything depends on the person. If you believe in it then it is going to happen to you. If you don’t believe in friendships – you won’t have friendships, or you shall find yourself in situations that will confirm your beliefs. We get everything that we actively want or don’t want. That’s the whole joke. And drawing conclusions about another person saying: “She deceived me!” – is to become a victim. Without understanding why or without trying to figure it out. Try to figure things out, ask for forgiveness, or even let go and come to terms that the person can eventually understand any wrongdoings and repent. Then forgive. And don’t stigmatize your understanding of friendship. You know: “They broke my heart, I no longer believe in love!” A cynical attitude: “I don’t believe in love, there is no love!” will lead you to never encountering love.
And even if at least some glimpse of life will still make its way to you, – that’s how the Universe is arranged, it wants you to be happy, – it will signal you, try to get through to you, but you have already become stale.
Sometimes you see grumbling old people, dissatisfied with life, who do not believe in people, do not believe in love, do not believe in anything. And they will begin to tell you stories, and why they have these beliefs. Well really! “People are shit, this is shit, men are shit, girlfriends do not exist”. But if you dig deeper and ask: “Listen, why did this happen to you? How did it happen?” It’s not “I was deceived,” but “I allowed myself to be deceived.” Take responsibility for what happens to you in the first place. Because, damn it, it happened to me, it happened to me! Not to Vasya or Petya. Someone lives wearing pink glasses and everything is fine, but it happened to me. Why? It’s me.
Maybe you won’t understand your thoughts at this very moment, but you will in a year, in two, in three. It is important to have this gap. To figure out that, perhaps, somewhere along the line I am actually really grateful for something, but somewhere I have to ask for forgiveness. I believe in friendship, I believe in love, I believe in people! And in no way do I want to become dissatisfied with authorities or whatever else. I don’t want to live in this world, I have a different world, I build it myself, and it is the way I want it to. I’m the one living this life.
What do you think will really matter at the end of life?
Oh. I don’t know.
I think that everything will be important. All that has been. Because in reality, everything that happens to you is your personal film – it only happens to you. Other stories may be similar somehow, like movies, like trees, like rain. But they will be so different, and the way you relate to the material of your life, how you are tuned in to work, including with yourself, with the world.
To unpack these “suitcases”, to get all the skeletons out of all the closets, even those that your grandparents put there, just to look at them, throw them away and say: “Thank you for being here, but I want to live in my apartment, in my own world, the way I want, so I would like to re-educate you, but I also want to try and understand you. To understand, to forgive, to love. And in general, to say thank you, to say: “Damn, thank you, thank you for everything that happened. Because it all seemed incredibly important to me during my life. It didn’t break me and it didn’t kill me.”
When we don’t want to grow up, we remain in adolescence, and adolescents are the ones who accuse everyone the most: “They didn’t give me anything, they didn’t love me, they didn’t tell me.” You sometimes meet adults who are 50-60 years old, but they still blame their parents, who are very old people, and say: “You did not love me, you overfed me with oatmeal.” And you think: “Lord, wake up! Grow up already, take responsibility for your life. ” Well, they could not give you what you think they should have given you”.
And why is it so unfair? So there is no justice in life. If there was then we’d all be born on the same street, with the same parents, with the same eyes, in the same conditions at the same time. And have the same daily routine, and everyone would talk the same way. That would be justice! And then one could say: “Why are we all the same yet he has this, and I don’t?”. So why discuss it? Everyone has their own script, their own life.
The damned comparison. In fact, comparing yourself with someone and looking at someone is an incredible and wonderful infection that you can take as a tool, Who is happier, who is more successful, who is more beautiful, who is taller, or vice versa, shorter, and so on. You then live in a state of suffering. In my perfect world, I would even cancel sports in terms of competitions, I would cancel all beauty contests, any competition. The main thing is: “Oh, you didn’t get a medal.” Horror.
And sometimes in the pursuit of these medals, these results, these cups, people generally miss all the pleasure. The man-made a film. He was recognized by the audience, the actors were all great. He was not given an award or a medal, and he was like: “It’s all shit, I was not awarded.” You just embodied something amazing, it could be the coolest thing that you could implement in your life, and you are willing to devalue it simply because they did not pat you on the back. So how old are you at this moment? How old are you motherfucker?
It’s the same in sports. I go to yoga, sometimes I do group classes, and sometimes I start to think: “She does it like this, and the other person bends better, but I have more deflection here, and here I am God.” And you think: “Lord, what am I spending my life on? What am I paying attention to? Why am I not taking care of myself? How much can I give and what can I give? ” It is my body and my individual experience, and that’s it, there is no one else. Then you find out, like: “How long have you been doing this?”. “I’ve been doing it for three years already.” And you compare yourself to that person. This is about both the small things and the much larger life events. Of course, we are ruled. We allow ourselves to be controlled and pushed around and manipulated. We become addicted. And we constantly want to escape this addiction, but we are so used to it… But sometimes you look at your old sofa and think: “To hell with it ! Everything is clear to me now. ” So it’s important to be present in every detail.
What’s your advice to those who are going through a rough patch?
Overcome it. Don’t stagnate, don’t get stuck. And firstly, seek answers inside yourself. Also, read books. I would really recommend “Two Lives” by Concordia Antarov. Another great book that influenced my life is “Radical Forgiveness”. “Power of Now”, “The power of the present”, “Women who love too much.” And the last thing I’m listening to right now is “Reality Transsurfing.” It’s also a very interesting thing, in which I find so much response inside myself that I’m like: “Oh cool, I have an answer to my question.” You know when you get stuck and can’t figure out this clue that you actually have. And then you uncover all the information that you need! You begin to interact with a book and another portal opens up. Thank you very much!
Did you ever experience a flawless feeling?
I don’t even know what that is. Well, here’s a feeling close to perfection. When, for example, you felt a very sharp burst of happiness, as if a perfectly happy moment for you. Something like that you mean? I’ve had such moments. I even have a name for them. “What are you experiencing now?”, and I say: “a silent rapture.”
So your perfect feeling is a silent rapture?
Yes. I am calm, I am not exalted, I don’t have a smile on my face, I don’t walk around, glowing, but this “glow”, I kind of feel it, and it bursts through me, but at the same time I am calm. For me, probably, that’s a perfect moment of happiness. It’s something that I recently experienced, this: “Oh!”.
This feeling must be preserved. Remember it, understand what led to it, and realize that you can come back to it at any moment. Like a memory. Because if you reminisce about your childhood, you can even smell it. Dive into the past so deeply that it becomes reality. Probably we can always return to some moments that we remember. Even now I’m telling you this and I can feel it right inside me.
What question would you like to be asked in an interview and what would you answer?
Well, I can say straight away, I definitely don’t have a question that I would like to be asked because then I would constantly think: “Why is nobody asking how I am doing?”. Or I was already asked: “What superpowers would you want to have?” So honestly, I have no questions.